Sunday, September 27, 2009
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."
damned if i do, damned if i don't. same results. strange how the DOING seems to be more risky and terror-full.
this whole living your life thing is simply terrifying.
|1.||extraordinarily great or intense: terrific speed.|
|2.||extremely good; wonderful: a terrific vacation.|
|3.||causing terror; terrifying.|
Sunday, September 20, 2009
So today is the day. Goodbye San Diego.
I always knew it would be hard for me to leave, but until the day it happens, it's never real.
How can you say goodbye to a world that has become so constant and normal?
How do you choose to leave a place that has been so good to you?
I mean honestly, I LOVE it here. I love my life. I love my friends. I love the weather and the sun and the ocean. San Diego is simply beautiful and the life here is lovely. More than that, I live a good life here. I'm a young adult and loving life on my own with my young adult friends. It is San Diego that I have truly begun to grow up.
Most of all, though, I love my amazing network of friends here. It is something that I honestly don't think I'll be able to recreate and have again for a very long time. I mean, I will always have these friends because these are lifetime friends I have made, but who knows if we'll ever be in the same place at the same time again. We'll visit each other and reminisce, but it will never be the same. I think THAT is the most heartbreaking part of growing up.
Change is beautiful and exciting, but it has its crushing effects as well.
So I move on from San Diego, just as I had to move on from my life in Italy, taking all my lovely memories with me and holding on to my lasting friendships. So off I go into the unknown...
Saturday, September 12, 2009
I feel like my confidence and passion and drive for my year's plans of travel and language learning is a ride on a really loopy, curvy, crazy roller coaster. Up and down and upside down; every other day I change my mind and change back and worry that what I'm doing is stupid and then feel absolutely sure that is the best thing for me to do. Basically, I'm sure that I'm unsure which leads to some complications.
Overall, though, I guess I'm doing a good thing this year by not joining the actively job hunting unemployed?
It's kind of scary to go so against the norm when you've been traveling along a perfect pathway for all your life. But that perfect pathway has already led me to a spectacular end point. Past the end, it's all me. So I plunge into the black abyss filled with looping endless options and hope that I haven't just plunged to my destruction, but rather will someday find myself on solid ground looking up at the beautiful starry sky I successfully navigated through.
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.~Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy